Not all types, but both types

Overheard regarding a break up – “Hey, there’re all types of girls.”

Whoa. Back up.

Philosophically and ideologically, yes, there are all sorts of girls. But, women, there’s a bit of a secret here, and I think I’m safely in the brotherhood by sharing it – it’s not like it’s a classified secret or anything: For heterosexual men, there are really only two types of women.
1. Those you would
2. Those you wouldn’t

Of course, every so often a non-thinking Neanderthal will propose a third – Those you did. Un uh. Not here. This guy will argue that “Those you did” are, in fact, a sub-set of “Those you would.” If you dare argue, you’ll have to face the shameful inquisition regarding the drunken night you did someone from the “Those you wouldn’t” list, and that’s one discussion I think you’ll agree is best not begun.

Now, the criteria for making one classification over another is variable by each individual man. It’s also variable within a single man – it changes over time. Sometimes the list slowly evolves over years or decades. Other times, a girl leaps from #2 to #1 over a single, solitary beer.

Who am I kidding? Opportunity alone often shuffles the deck.

Not exactly a groundbreaking discovery for women, you say? Au contraire, my friends of the fairer sex, for if you know what category you fall into, absolute power is yours.

Uh oh, now that was a classified secret! Oops. Now, where’s that f’ing backspace key?